Smash through your self
Would you believe me if I told you that we all have infinite potential and that most of us spend our whole lives hiding from what we're capable of achieving? It is more often than not our self-limiting beliefs that hold us back from reaching our true potential.
Why it’s so important to feel negative emotion
I realised I’d spent years avoiding various negative emotions. I was frightened of feeling emotions such as vulnerability, failure and discomfort. I had not pushed myself out of my comfort zone for years. I’d allowed myself to stagnate.
We can believe anything we want
A belief is just a thought you keep on thinking over and over again and when you’ve thought it so many times you don’t even recognise it’s a thought anymore. You just think it’s a fact. If you could believe anything you wanted to about yourself what would it be?
The importance of being specific when you set goals
“A goal properly set is halfway reached.” Zig Ziglar. Isn’t this an amazing thought, if you set your goal correctly you’re already half-way there to achieving it. That’s even before any of the hard work has actually started! So what does “a goal properly set’ actually mean?
Smash through your Self-Limiting Beliefs
Would you believe me if I told you that we all have infinite potential and that most of us spend our whole lives hiding from what we're capable of achieving?
It is more often than not our self-limiting beliefs that hold us back from reaching our true potential. Isn’t it crazy that we tell ourselves stories about what we can and can’t do and often these stories just aren’t true; they have no basis. We use them to protect ourselves because we’re scared of stepping into the unknown and feeling vulnerable but all we’re doing is stopping ourselves from achieving what we’re truly capable of.
How do we reach our true potential? Well that’s the $1M question. I’m not suggesting it’s easy because, if it were, more of us would be doing it! But a good place to start is to become aware of what our self-limiting beliefs actually are. Remember beliefs are nothing more than thoughts we’ve had over and over again until they become beliefs. We no longer recognise them as thoughts; to us they just become the facts of our life. The frightening thing is most of our beliefs are so ingrained in us we aren’t even aware of them. Ask yourself these questions and see what comes up for you?
What do you believe about your life?
What do you believe about yourself? What are the lessons that your parents taught you? What do you believe about your dreams coming true? What do you belief about your ability to create what YOU want in your life? By answering these questions you’ll start to build up awareness of what you truly believe. Look at these beliefs in a totally non-judgemental and curious way. Start picking holes in them and question whether they are actually true and whether they are actually serving you and helping you achieve what you want from your life. Why are you continuing to believe these things about you that aren’t even true? What are these stories you’ll telling yourself holding you back from doing? This is powerful and life transforming stuff. I promise you!
If you want some guidance on how to smash through your self-limiting beliefs so you can start achieving what you truly want in your life then please click here to arrange a free mini coaching session.
Why it’s so important to feel negative emotion
Do you regularly avoid or push away negative emotions? A strange question to ask but I have come to realise that some negative emotions can actually be incredibly positive for us. Feelings such as discomfort, fear, vulnerability, disappointment can actually help us overcome challenges and achieve things in our life that we never dreamt we could. After having my first child, 15 years ago, I gave up my job. I felt lucky to be able to do this at the time. But over the years I began to realise that I really wanted to do work again. I wanted to earn my own money and not rely on my husband financially. However, my confidence ebbed away the longer I was out of the job market. I had various ideas about things I could do but I never took any action. They all fell by the wayside. I felt bored and restless but just ambled on with my life as it was.
Then about 2 years I had a conversation with a friend who runs her own business. She does a lot of public speaking for her job. I had so much admiration for her but I thought it was something I could never do. I thought she was a lot more confident than me but she told me she didn’t have the natural confidence to stand up and speak in front of people. She said when she first started public speaking she was absolutely petrified of going on stage and speaking. But she just pushed through these feelings as she had set herself a goal. Her goal was to speak at a certain number of events each year in order to grow her confidence with public speaking. This was a profound moment for me. Suddenly I realised I’d spent years avoiding various negative emotions. I was frightened of feeling emotions such as vulnerability, failure and discomfort. I had not pushed myself out of my comfort zone for years. I’d allowed myself to stagnate. No wonder I was feeling so bored and restless!
Always staying in your Comfort Zone is not necessarily good for you.
It is so important to set goals and allow yourself to feel negative emotions
It is so important to set goals and allow yourself to feel negative emotions
I realised I needed to set myself some big goals and commit to achieving them within a certain time frame. I then decided I had to be willing to feel emotions that were going to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable in order to achieve these goals. Emotions such as failure, fear, and vulnerability. If I wasn’t willing to feel these emotions, it would be very easy for me to give up on my goals as soon as I encountered any obstacles. One of my goals was to become a Life Coach so I signed up to do a Certification Course. I found the course incredibly challenging. Most of the time I felt completely out of my comfort zone and I absolutely loved it! I felt fear and vulnerability on a regular basis and it made me feel so alive! I realised that the emotions we tend to avoid are the same emotions we need to work through in order to get the results we want. The course really helped me understand that I didn’t need to be afraid of negative emotions. They are just uncomfortable vibrations in my body, nothing else. If I allow a negative emotion to be there, it’s absolutely harmless.
Feeling positive about negative emotions
I’ve now started to feel a lot of positive emotion about certain negative emotions as I know they’re helping me evolve as a person. I’ve realised how important it is to feel negative emotion to allow new positive feeling. For instance, if I’m willing to allow myself to feel fear then that will result in a feeling of courage for me as that’s what I need to feel in order to overcome fear. I genuinely believe that if we allow our negative emotions to sit with us and not push them away then this is the secret to making all of my dreams a reality.
If you’d like help learning how to feel and process negative emotions then please click here to arrange a free mini coaching session.
Take this new thought and start thinking it on purpose over and over again until you truly believe it. How fun it that!
"We can believe anything we want. There is no restriction to what we are allowed to believe." Brooke Castillo
Isn’t that a mind blowing thought. Imagine just believing anything you wanted to about yourself! I watched the film “I Feel Pretty” with Amy Schumer recently. It you haven’t watched it before, Amy’s character struggles with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy especially around her appearance. She lacks self-confidence and this stops her from putting herself out in the world and doing what she dreams of doing. After falling off a spin bike and bumping her head she wakes up believing that she looks like a super model. This brings about a new confidence in her and she believes she capable of doing anything she puts her mind to. In reality, she is exactly the same person as she was but she just has this new belief in herself which allows her to live the life of her dreams. The mind blowing thing is that we are all capable of believing exactly what we want to about ourselves and we don’t even need to knock ourselves out to do it! A belief is just a thought you keep on thinking over and over again and when you’ve thought it so many times you don’t even recognise it’s a thought anymore. You just think it’s a fact. If you could believe anything you wanted to about yourself what would it be? That’s a pretty amazing question to consider. I don’t know about you but I’ve got quite a long list of things I’d like to believe. So just decide what you want to believe about yourself. Anything you want.
“A goal properly set is halfway reached.” Zig Ziglar
As Ziglar says one of the keys to accomplishing your goal is being incredibly specific when you’re actually setting it. According to academic research 92% of people who make New Year’s goals never actually achieve them, so that’s just 8% that do! That’s pretty staggering and a bit depressing really. And most of these people who fail to achieve their goals are doing so because they’re just not being specific enough when they set them. For example, if you’ve got a goal to lose weight, it’s no good just saying my New Year goal is to lose weight. I can promise that is not going to get you anywhere. You need to know exactly what the goal is, why you want to achieve it and when you’re going to achieve it by. For example, I want to lose 10 kilos by 30th April because I’m going to Hawaii on holiday and I’m going to wear my bikini and look a million dollars! Now that is much more likely to set you up for success. Can you see it’s so much more specific than just saying “I want to lose weight”. So why do you need to be so specific? Why does this create success when it comes to achieving our goals? There are several reasons. Firstly, having a vague intention doesn’t create any energy, it doesn’t create momentum to move forwards. In order to create that energy, you need to be able to picture yourself, imagine yourself achieving that thing and the more specific you are with the detail, the easier it is to do this. Going back to that goal of losing weight, if you can visualise yourself lying on that beautiful white sandy beach in the Hawaii rocking your favourite bikini then you become more emotionally connected with your goal. And when you become emotionally connected, you are much more motivated and committed to achieving it.
Secondly, you need to instruct your brain what you want it to do in order to achieve this goal rather than the other way around. If you leave your brain to its own devices, it will just take the easy option and the easy option is just doing what it already knows. And that most likely means just slipping back into its old familiar habits which in turn means you giving up on achieving anything new. We need to challenge our brains; we need to be in charge of them. So when you’re faltering on your goal, when it feels like really hard work, if you can have a detailed answer ready when you start questioning why you’ve committed to achieving this new thing you’re much more likely not to give up. If you just have some vague answer/reason it’s not going work out. Write the what, why and when down and read it every day. Memorise it and then when those negative thoughts come up about achieving it (which they will) you able to counter them immediately. Thirdly, the more specific when setting the goal, the easier it is to formulate a plan or come up with actionable steps to achieve the thing you want. For example with your weight loss goal, if you didn’t have a specific date, it would be incredibly easy just to keep putting off sticking to a food plan until tomorrow. But when you have a set date in mind, a date you’ve committed to, you know it’s imperative to start straight away. You can also work backwards; if you need to lose 10 kilos before 30th April and its now 1st January, you can work out exactly how much weight you need to lose each week. It’s just becomes so much easier and more manageable to achieve when you can break that bigger goal down into smaller goals along the way. So when it comes to creating goals, if you don’t know exactly what you want, why you want it and when you want it by, you are setting yourself up for failure. So set yourself up for success instead. If you have got a goal at the moment ask yourself, have I really been specific about those 3 things – the what, the why and the when? Because if you’ve got those 3 things down pat then I promise you, you’re already halfway there to achieving it!